My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We got so high we made milksteak
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
