I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
