Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
