I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
