Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
