Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
FUCK WHALES
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
