uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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