Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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