it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
