I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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