I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i believe in u and ur pee
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
