That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
