Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
