You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
