have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize