i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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