i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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