bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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