We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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