When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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