Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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