Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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