don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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