woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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