Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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