I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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