I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
