he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
