I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
