you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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