You can't motorboat a personality
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
