Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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