birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
