I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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