You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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