The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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