i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
