16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
