I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
