And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
