During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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