low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize