Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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