i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In other news, I just burned my penis
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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