just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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