Apparently you make a good broom.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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