While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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