sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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