his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
