The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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