Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
