Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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