you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
