i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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