Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
