I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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