He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
