We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
