I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize