i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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