Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
