Welp...herpes.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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