your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
