All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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