last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
