I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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