you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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