# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is Oprah even human
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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