So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You need Xanax blowdarts
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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