ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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