I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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