Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
